Friday, July 28, 2017

apartments for hunter

Stuff to ask about:
need place on august 10th.
What need to qualify to rent?
How long leases?
First floor apts?
What size apts available?
What rent and utilities?
Air conditioning and heating?
Dishwasher, fridge, type of stove, microwave, washer & dryer?
Type of tub?
Fans in each room?
Ceiling lights in each room?
back and front door locks?
security?
crime rate?
student discount?
apple fee?
deposit?
how pay rent?
where park?
type of flooring?
kitchen counter space?
storage space (closets)?
garbage disposal?
ice-maker?
bugs?
smoker
pets

pay electricity
pay rent online



tara garden 2.3 miles 11 minutes (3.3)
cabana 2.5 miles 14 minutes (3.1)
executive hills 1.4 miles 10 minutes (3.1)
candlewood 1.6 miles 11 minutes (3.1)
fontainbleu 1.8 miles 12 minutes (3.2)
overlook 1.8 miles 11 minutes (3.3)
research park DIDN'T ANSWER TRY AGAIN

1500 Sparkman Drive Huntsville, AL 35816
1.4 miles, 9 min
3.3(45)
?

research park southern shores

7i13312!8i6656
265-483-3404
2 miles, 10 min
3.6(11)
?



laurelwood
5000 Laurelwood Ln NW, Huntsville, AL 35816
1.5 miles, 9 min
3.7(7)
?
downstairs 475$ 12 month lease 658sqft 500$ for 6 month lease
cosigner application fee 35$ each 3x the rent credit score over 500
may qualify alone?
deposit 250$
trash pick up and pest control
living room no ceiling light
full time security
credit debit card money order cashiers check
a lot of counter space?
carpet and vinyl
no ice maker
closet in bathroom and bedroom
1 pet less than 20lbs leash outside 400$ deposit 200$ refundable
she says no smoke smell
can do longdistance



coventry GOOD ONE
1505 Sparkman Dr NW, Huntsville, AL 35816
4.1(7)
saturday 10-2
2 bedroom 1bath 825 640$ 2/2 900sqft 700$ townhome 1140 739$
credit criminal residency
send pay stubs, savings, info from school job.
app fee 50$ deposit based on fica score probably same as rent.
12 months or 6 months extra 50$/month
2 bedroom 1bath is downstairs other have stairs
water and sewer pest control garbage included
washer & dryer hookups but not in 1b's.
tub fiberglass
yes ceiling lights
loi report
pay online or prepay card or personal check
half carpet half vinyl flooring bottom level
counters all around
garbage disposal yes
ice maker no
pet weight limit 25lbs 200$ depit nonrefundable 10$/month
probably no smoke
water bugs, alabama professional services once a week pest control
storage space outisde
pool9-8pm 6 days no mondays
shopping nearby
robin davis


STOP HERE











Stuff to ask about:
need place on august 10th.
What need to qualify to rent?
How long leases?
First floor apts?
What size apts available?
What rent and utilities?
Air conditioning and heating?
Dishwasher, fridge, type of stove, microwave, washer & dryer?
Type of tub?
Fans in each room?
Ceiling lights in each room?
back and front door locks?
security?
crime rate?
student discount?
apple fee?
deposit?
how pay rent?
where park?
type of flooring?
kitchen counter space?
storage space (closets)?
garbage disposal?
ice-maker?
bugs?
smoker
pets





1500 Sparkman Drive Huntsville, AL 35816
1.4 miles, 9 min
3.3(45)
?

research park southern shores

7i13312!8i6656
265-483-3404
2 miles, 10 min
3.6(11)
?

laurelwood
5000 Laurelwood Ln NW, Huntsville, AL 35816
1.5 miles, 9 min
3.7(7)
?
downstairs 475$ 12 month lease 658sqft 500$ for 6 month lease
cosigner application fee 35$ each 3x the rent credit score over 500
may qualify alone?
deposit 250$
trash pick up and pest control
living room no ceiling light
full time security
credit debit card money order cashiers check
a lot of counter space?
carpet and vinyl
no ice maker
closet in bathroom and bedroom
1 pet less than 20lbs leash outside 400$ deposit 200$ refundable
she says no smoke smell
can do longdistance



coventry GOOD ONE
1505 Sparkman Dr NW, Huntsville, AL 35816
4.1(7)
saturday 10-2
2 bedroom 1bath 825 640$ 2/2 900sqft 700$ townhome 1140 739$
credit criminal residency
send pay stubs, savings, info from school job.
app fee 50$ deposit based on fica score probably same as rent.
12 months or 6 months extra 50$/month
2 bedroom 1bath is downstairs other have stairs
water and sewer pest control garbage included
washer & dryer hookups but not in 1b's.
tub fiberglass
yes ceiling lights
loi report
pay online or prepay card or personal check
half carpet half vinyl flooring bottom level
counters all around
garbage disposal yes
ice maker no
pet weight limit 25lbs 200$ depit nonrefundable 10$/month
probably no smoke
water bugs, alabama professional services once a week pest control
storage space outisde
pool9-8pm 6 days no mondays
shopping nearby
robin davis

friday july 28th plan

food:
apple sauce 50
oranges 400
oatmeal 150
hashbrown patty 150
bread 120
broccoli 125
cauliflower 125
barley mix 260
cereal 120
=1500
drink tea and water
stay under 1982.

8-5 call apartments
gym 2-3
test computer for dnd after 5
switch ting
buy bus ticket
laundry (pants shirt bra socks)
walk 6 miles
jog 
wash hair
watch and delete all of one show.
apple.

So, I need to go to sleep now to maximize 8-5 time because there's like a million more apts to call.

Friday, July 21, 2017

friday plan and food stuff

laundry 5:30
call apartments 5x30= 2.5 hours oops, i ran out of time to do this.  two of them have saturday hours.
talk to office what happens if hunter takes his name off and i don't qualify?  (a full time minimum wage job wouldn't qualify me, what shit) i probably won't qualify, but he can stay on the lease. i have to fill something out for a background check that they weirdly never did before.
shave hair again
pack for tomorrow:  toothbrush toothpast cards phone charger artemis fowl shirts socks
duolingo
trivia crack
apple before 5:30 donut place
vacuum chips
take out trash maybe during laundry
clean room
walk 1 mile

tomorrow:  call about checks, call apartments

I think I might need to go back to decreasing my calories more slowly.  I don't want that decreased metabolism crap to happen to me.

I guess I got attached to the idea of losing weight fast, they say 2lbs/week is the max you're supposed to do, but i've been eating too much and I can't eat little enough to make it average out.  Before, I lost 50 lbs eating 1500 cals and walking 10 miles/day.  But I'm going to do 2000 cals for now, as a maximum, and vegan except, and I need to walk and exercise more.  That's ahead of my original plan anyway.

once a month go through list
bdays etc
pizza rolls
digiorno
totino's
aztec casserole
spaghetti and cheese
poptarts
chicken patty sandwich

Thursday, July 20, 2017

thursday night rambling

I should have continued with my previous plan to decrease calories by 20 each week.  i only decided to speed it up because hunter.  bad idea because he's leaving anyway.

35*1600+
1088
1050
1050
1246
920
320
=61674

I could just go back on that plan now.  I have it in my calendar.  I don't really want to now.  I wish

hunter will be home in like 45 minutes at the earliest.  I'll probably just go hide in my room before then.  I'll go to the office when it opens and ask them.  What if hunter wants to leave and i don't qualify?  Will they make him pay to break the lease?  Why is he doing this to me?  He knew when we moved in together that I didn't qualify without him.  Would they seriously rather kick me out at this point?  that seems like a really stupid decision if they do.

I'm going to move my dry erase board out here.  and move all the stuff on my window sill.  to somewhere else so it can be a pile of crap.

what to do with the rest of tonight.  apply for job.  clean room.  job ... is only important if hunter will not get me kicked out of apt.

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

thoughts and goals

i came across a word, androcentric.  i don't like it.  I use the word "andro" as different from "man".  but that word uses it as a synonym.  and it couldn't mean andro how i use it because that's not .. not something external.  well.  maybe.  um.  i guess it would be "non-girliness-centric".  as in like .. revolving around people who don't wear dresses, sort of maybe.  but there can totally be non-girlie dresses.

read all my books
learn all languages
make those spanish things
clean my room
finish degree
actually learn programming in c, c++, java at least.
walk
eat non-junkfood
be skinny again
jog 5 miles
muscly things
get a job making at least 30000
adopt children
get a job right now full time min wage.
find a roommate, someone I trust

I probably should have just kept going with the decreasing calories 20 per week plan.  anyway if eat healthy food only, it shouldn't be too hard.  vegan....

I'll allow vegan (well, ish, according to my previous vegan definitions) including junkfood for now.

I haven't eat meat for 5 years.

I have to become convinced that dairy is slavery.

right now, something i can and should do right now, is apply for a job.

tuesday plan

"physically affectionate friends"

plan for today includes applying for jobs and I guess maybe also calling another apt for hunter.  I now have less than two hours in which to do that, but I don't feel like doing it now.  Maybe I'll wait till tomorrow when russell won't be here anymore.

I need to work 30 hours a week to cover rent electricity internet.  I think everything else would be paid for by my mom anyway.  I need a little more than that to pay hunter back.  So I need a full-time job.  At minimum wage.  God I do not want to work 40 hours a week.  But maybe I can do that till I can pay hunter back and then stop.  I guess that means it would take me quite a long time to pay him back though.  I'll have to be very frugal from now on.  Sigh.  I won't be able to spend my money on extra fun things that my mom doesn't want to pay for.  But step one is getting a job at all.  and I'll keep limiting my food money as previously determined so as not to waste my mom's money.  I'll buy a new phone and use ting again. delete the texts and give this phone back to my mom maybe.  I suppose it doesn't matter.

today i just have to apply for jobs online.  I'll do it during dnd.

Monday, July 17, 2017

hunter

hunter wanted to talk about the thing at a bad time.  he should have waited it wasn't urgent on a scale of minutes.  let us finish the game, wait for his friend to not be around so his friend doesn't feel awkward us talking about him being mad at me.  and he makes that face.  and he cries i hate it i think it is a manipulation.

he's afraid i'll ruin his credit score.  he cares only about himself.  he calculated i need to work 100 hours a month to pay all the bills.  that's not even very much.  that's how much i worked at the first subway.  a little less.  it'll probably be easy to find a job with that many hours.  i haven't looked yet.  i said i would today but i didn't factor in russell, hunter's friend staying here for 4 days.  i can easily fill out apples online tomorrow when they're playing dnd.  it was a pretty good day and hunter ruined the ending.  he's weird and awkward and ruins a lot of things.  i hate this storming off without his phone.  this isn't the first time.  so what if he doesn't come back.  it won't matter.  i try.  he keeps being terrible.  i don't think i'd be missing much of anything without him.  i can take or leave him.  i won't leave, but if he does that's fine.  he's threatened to kill himself so many times that i cannot afford to be worried about it.  he's so fucking stupid to get that upset about it.  he's so stupid to not realize i didn't want to talk about it in front of his friend.  he's so stupid to worry the way he does anyway.  he's so stupid to think 100 hours per week is a lot.  he said it was a LOT.  wtf.


Sunday, July 16, 2017

sunday 7-16-17

god it's the future.
I'm not going to richard's got party.  I could have, but I decided not to, even though I'm kind of sad about it.  I want to see kevin again.  there might be other interesting people there too.  russell is going.

a few minutes ago, I caught sight of myself in the mirror.  ew.  I hate the way I look.  I'm working on it, but I wish it could go faster.  I got out a dr pepper hours ago, and a few minutes ago I remembered it and opened it and then I was like "i could have just put it back in the fridge".  I could just stop drinking it now.  In fact, I will.

My food plan for today:
applesauce
almonds
broccoli/spinach
kidney beans
oatmeal
those cauliflower fries
reqd.

I need to not buy anything, because I have a lot of food here.  I need to eat what I have first.

I wish I could go to an indoor track.  The only option is ualr, but I don't want to see that person again.

If I lost two lbs / week starting now, I could be unfat in a year.  It's always a year.  I need to stop drinking pop.  It hasn't been pleasing lately anyway.  I think because i've been drinking a lot of it.  I also said I was going to be veganish, but I think I forgot yesterday.  My plan up there is veganish.

things to do today:
walk
clean bedroom
cut hair
laundry
inventory food

laundry should wait till they leave.
walking  has to wait till evening.
i can inventory food.  then go buy haircutting thing.

nicole said ni would come over but then changed it to a maybe when I asked again.  second time i recall that happening recently.

what to do.  I feel like something is missing.
Why is cleaning my room so hard?

I need to stop eating food when I go out with other people.  I should have looked at the menu to see if they had vegetables.

I'm not giving up pop forever, just - just for the rest of this month for now.  I can have one again on aug 1.  I'll try that for now.

what needs to be done?
job
school
diet
exercise
projects

I'll stick to my diet plan and I'll be caught down by feb 12.  That's 30 weeks from now.  If I lose 2 lbs / week that's 60 lbs.  That would be pretty cool.  I could fit into those size 18 pants again.

what else is missing?
I don't know.

food inventory
haircutting device
room cleaning
that's what I'm going to go do now.

not allowed to be against things for non-selfish reasons

https://werdbrew.wordpress.com/2017/07/15/white-women-in-robes/

I only skimmed because it's fucking long and stupid.  Maybe I'll read it more thoroughly later to see if it answers my questions.

Who exactly are they accusing and what exactly are they accusing them of?

White women who are pro-choice and pro-option-of-birth-control?  How is that racist?  It's OPTIONAL.  They're not saying anyone has to get an abortion or use birth control.  They say "hey government, don't try to control people's fertility" and the person who wrote that blogpost is mad? because they didn't say every second of every day that the government has tried to control the fertility of not-white people? like, i don't know about this person specifically, but feminists usually say things like "we don't have to talk about everything at once", but then they get mad when a white person mentions a problem and doesn't specify that it affects not-white people more or whatever.  Like, hey, I'm opposed to slavery.  I'm opposed to caging people for non-violent drug crap.  I'm opposed to cops shooting unarmed people who are running away or trying to follow the cops demands.  How in the fuck would mentioning race even help make that more clear?  I'm not opposed to people mentioning race, but why are they opposed to me (etc) not mentioning it?

if a guy is saying rape is wrong, he's not saying it's only wrong to rape men (unless he actually says that).
if i say slavery is wrong, i'm not saying it's only wrong to enslave white people or any other group that I'm in.
if a white woman says that forced sterilization is not ok, that doesn't automatically mean she thinks it's actually ok to do it to anyone who's not white or female.

the blogpost says reproductive justice is
"the human right to maintain personal bodily autonomy, have children, not have children, and parent the children we have in safe and sustainable communities."
and apparently "white feminism" disagrees with that?  Uh, how?

"margaret sanger wanted inferior people to use birth control and not have babies"
"somehow this made the superior (white, nt, abled) women want to use birth control"
"therefore all white feminists are racist and ableist"

"some white women in the past wanted equality for white women and explicitly wanted to maintain white supremacy, therefore all white feminists are white supremacists"

"Other demonstrators shout loudly and use bullhorns, holding up signs with variations of “The Handmaid’s Tale is not and instruction manual.” True. It’s not. It’s a mirror. And what people see when they look at it is more revealing of their politics than they realize."
doWhen it said it's a mirror, I thought it was saying the story shows white people what they are doing to non-white people, thus blaming all white people for things some white people did/do and saying apparently that current white women are not allowed to be opposed to sex slavery because some different white people engage(d) in or condone(d) sex slavery.  But the last line makes it seem to mean something different.  OK, what do people see in this mirror that you don't like?  The next paragraph does not answer that question.  instead it rambles about other things.

"Within the dominant pro-choice rhetoric of The Handmaid’s Protest and beyond, the language of keeping the government out of “women’s bodies” is not only cisnormative, but it also fails to acknowledge the fact that this same government has already been routinely intruding upon and committing reproductive violences against people of color, the poor, and the disabled for centuries, and has even done so in the very same vein of The Handmaid’s Tale."
How does it fail to acknowledge that things they oppose have been done?  I mean, it's plausible that they aren't constantly saying "this has been done and should not be done anymore".  But just saying "this should not be done" is not the same thing as saying "this has never been done and should never be done".  i've encountered that confusion in countless conversations.  I say "x should not be" and someone says "but x is!" and I say "so the fuck what you fucking stupid asshole who apparently doesn't know how to comprehend words, i just said it shouldn't be".  at that point, they usually say like "oh yeah, i see, i agree".  (there are a few assholes who insist that somehow all that matters is what is and we shouldn't (lol) try to change things, but fuck them).
You know, this would be like if I heard about people farming and killing and eating humans and I objected to it, and some vegan said "but they do that to non-human animals every day, thousands upon thousands of them".  They're assuming, stupidly, that because I didn't mention the non-human animals right then that that must mean I don't care about them.  We're not talking about that right now, we're talking about this.  That's the thing feminists say.  and i agree with it generally.  On a post about fgm, you shouldn't be like "but mgm".  Yes mgm is a terrible terrible problem that needs to be fixed, but this post is about fgm and fgm is worthy of discussion (too).  but actually that's not quite analogous to feminists opposing reproductive crimes.  It's like someone posting about "genital mutilation" and someone assuming that they only meant fgm and responding like "mgm is a way bigger problem than fgm".

i say "cops are terrifying, what with their habit of killing innocent people"
and a hypothetical black person says "you have no right to be afraid, they're not going to kill you".
i think that's what this whole "white feminism" thing is.  they're assuming people are selfish.
I was mad when they banned hairspray, because it's unfair and I knew some of my classmates liked to use hairspray.  i was mad when they banned yo-yos and rubberbands for the same reason.  but people thought it was stupid that i cared.  they thought it was stupid that i wasn't completely selfish.  weird.
If there's an issue that affects some people but not most, and there's a movement for equality or whatever, the mainstream movement won't mention that issue at first, the smaller group can just tell people about that issue, like how would people who aren't affected by it know about it unless someone tells them?  but telling them doesn't have to be like "you ignore our issues", no they just didn't know.  I still don't fucking know, what issues affect non-white women and not white women?  I didn't see any non-white women saying "hey, add this to the list of feminist causes", I just saw them out of nowhere being like "white feminists ignore non-white issues" and none of their articles fucking list any of those alleged issues.  there was one.  i read somewhere that the "right to work" was for middle class women or something, because poor women were already working anyway, and rich women (women who are related to rich men) didn't want to work.  that is interesting, I'm glad someone mentioned it that way, because I had been confused, hearing that women were not allowed to work much, but also hearing about women working in factories and being maids.  (it's class, not race, but that's fine, because this concept applies to any delineation.)  They said for poor women, being a SAHP could be a feminist action.  But.  It is not the case that the "right to work" people were trying to force all women to get jobs.  and maybe they were ignoring the poor women being forced to work, or maybe they just didn't know about that issue, but either way, it's not a feminist issue.  that people have to have jobs to make money to live isn't a feminist issue, because it's not sexist.  them getting paid less or getting rejected from certain jobs because of sex is a feminist issue.  but what sense would it make to fight for a woman's right to not work and be supported by someone else?  That is sexist.  Men have just as much right to not work and be supported by someone else.  Men have just as much right to have free time to spend with their kids.  If there is a movement to convince men to support women as SAHPs, I hate that movement, I oppose it, it is sexist, it is completely fucking ridiculous.  However, a movement to have robots do all the work and support everyone sounds good, if we can actually accomplish it, as opposed to the robots just supporting the rich people and everyone else starving.

reminds me of stefan molynieux.  he was opposed to feminism because it tried to convince women to have jobs.  laurette lynn agreed with him.  she said she wanted to be a SAHP and see her kids all the time.  But what about her husband?  He didn't want to be a SAHP, she said.  I asked.  Good thing then, that he didn't need a masculism movement to get him the right to have a paying job outside the home.  But what about women who don't want to be SAHPs and are being coerced into doing so anyway?  They do need that feminist movement, and laurette lynn is trying to take it away from them.  They want a choice, and she wants to take that choice away, and that pretty effectively takes the choice away from men too.  She supports men working and women staying home, therefore she opposes anything else.  She and stefan seemed to agree, but they inserted a little except for stefan himself.  apparently he (and his wife?) worked and saved up money so they could both take a year off work when their baby was born.  He said it was great and important and everyone should do it if they can, but somehow it's especially important for women to do it.  anyway, now he makes money off his cult, so they still don't have to work.

anyway.  suppose there is a bad thing being done to some people.  it is not wrong to say you oppose that bad thing in general because that includes the people it's currently happening to and anyone else it might happen to in the future and anyone it happened to in the past.

I don't see the point of this article.  It's not even saying "white feminists don't care about this issue that affects a lot of non-white people or disproportionately affects non-white people". It's saying "white feminists care about this issue, but they didn't explicitly say that it disproportionately affects non-white people".  Why in the fuck would they need to mention that?  if someone asks about it, or says otherwise maybe.

hum, what if I talked about poverty but didn't mention the demographics?  non-white people are disproportionately poor, but the issue is poverty, not racism.  Racism is a different (valid) issue. Discuss it elsewhere.  bringing it up here is derailing.

Saturday, July 15, 2017

no good time to sleep

I need to watch 12 episodes of got.  I'm re-watching 5.8 atm, but not planning to pay careful attention. The viewing at richard's house is tomorrow at 8 when it starts.  Russell's coming over at 11 today, 5 hours from now, and they'll probably want to watch got, but they are like half way through season 6.  I'd need to watch several episodes first, or get them to re-watch with me.  We have dnd tonight at 6.  There's only the 12 hours today before dnd and the morning tomorrow before hunter's dnd.  unless i watch on my puter.  if not, not much time.  if they won't re-watch with me.... well, what would I do then?  I'd have to leave and then I'd have to watch overnight sat-sun.  That *would* leave enough time, but it depends on russell sleeping in my room then?  I'll just have to ask them to re-watch with me.  It will be them going back by about 7 episodes I think.

I need to do laundry.  There's the one load in hunter's hamper.  I'll go start that.  I'll look through my clothes and do another load.

I need to clean my room and make it sleep-in-able.

Russell will be here in 5 hours.

I need to sleep.  I started feeling sleepy about 2 hours ago.  There's still 48 minutes left on this episode of got I'm re-watching.

I should take a nap now.  wake up at 8 or 9, then do laundry and clean my room and I'll message sleeping hunter right now about re-watching got.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

gross pizza

I ate that one digiorno pizza again and it was weird and gross and now I'm afraid it was somehow terrible.  I feel sad about the idea of never eating pizza again the way I used to feel about meat.  So it'll probably be ok.

I don't feel sleepy really, my eyes are kind of tired? like slightly itchy.  I'll go to sleep now and see if I feel like walking again at 6am.  I did 12 laps yesterday which confusingly feels like today?  because I only slept 2.5 hours before hunter woke me up to tell me that he got a ga position.

Also, I think I ate too much, why don't I feel like I ate too much?  I am so confused, everything is confusing.

Hum.  I already have some food that's not vegan, but I think I will eat only vegan food now till I'm done with my diet, which tentatively ends on feb 12.  I guess that disgusting pizza helped.

tomorrow:
walk
watch got
clean room
laundry
eat vegan food
phone/minutes?
look up apts for hunter
work on something interesting

cis

Before I realized I was trans, I was offended by the word cis.  It's an ugly word.  Like it's just aesthetically displeasing.  When I came upon that thread on gaia about transgender issues, and I asked what it was about, people in the thread said to me "you are cis".  They were wrong.  They should not have done that.  They should not have assumed.  IDK, maybe everyone who's offended by it is actually not cis.

I first realized I was trans when I was 14.  I didn't know that word or concept.  I had never heard of transsexual or anything.  I had heard of cross-dressers, and I sort of starting doing that (ie dressing as a boy and telling people i was being a boy (like playing a character))  in 8th grade and 9th grade.  In 9th grade, I finally actually faced the fact that I *wanted* to be a boy, but I thought it was yet another example of me being the only one who ____.  I don't think I'm the only one in the world who anything, but I was the only one out of the people I knew who a lot of things.  I thought I was the only one in the world and that it was completely impossible, like wishing to fly, so that year I put it out of my mind.  A few years later I came across that thread and I became a regular in it.  After talking to the trans people there for months, I suddenly remembered that day in 9th grade when I told one of my classmates that I wished I had been a boy but/and that day I put it out of my mind and it was like I brainwashed myself into thinking it was stupid nonsense.  I remembered that time in 6th grade where I thought there was something weird going on in my brain and thought I must be bisexual, because that was the only thing I could think of.  I remembered that time in 5th grade where I wore a skirt for band even though I hated it because I felt like something wasn't making sense but I had to be a girl, there was no choice.  I remembered in 8th grade when I told my mom that I had to get my clothes from the boys' section because the shorts in the girls' section didn't meet the dresscode, and she was looking at me suspiciously accusingly disgustedly and I avoided her gaze and thought there must be something wrong with me, and I remembered how even after I told myself it was pointless to want to be a boy, I still kept "crossdressing" and I wanted to cut my hair short, but my mom wouldn't let me.  and I hate everything, I wish I had known earlier that transgender existed, I wish I had at least been given the option of hormone blockers, I wish my parents would have accepted me as a boy, I wish I didn't have to be afraid to even mention it now.

I still feel offended by the word cis when it's used as an insult.

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

3120384152314

141*1200=169200
44*1600=70400
=239600
141+44+32=187+30=217
239600/217=1104.1474654
till feb 12.  then reevaluate.

2350 m to go.
12 per day, 3 days off per month (10, 20, 30)

I slept from 4pmish to 9:52.  So I go to sleep at 2pm?  I don't like that idea.
I'll probably go to sleep before that.  and I will wake up after less than 8 hours of sleep.  to try to go back to diurnal schedule.  maybe that's a bad idea.  it's really hard.  but i want to ugh.  i want to be awake in the morning and people want me to be awake late at night.and basically all day.  there's no good time to sleep.
now it's walking time and once the sun comes up i will do more laundry.

Friday, July 7, 2017

today's

today's goals

eat spaghetti
watch videos
laundry
clean livingroom
walk
job apples
clean bedroom

i have 320more cals for today.  the spaghetti's probably like 270 ish.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

7617

1140 150 190 = 1480 cals for today.  that's enough.  don't need anything else.  just water and maybe the watermelon and carrots if i get hungry again later.  god i need to lose weight.  I hate being fat and it reduces life expectancy.

walk
job
school

i have to hope that it will get better.  if not perfect.

I think things were generally ok when I weighed 167.  I didn't feel bad then, I was just horrified by the number.  That's going to be one of my goals, although I might want to go below that.  But they say overweight people live longer and 167 is overweight.  so.  yeah.  that's my goal.

well i just looked that up and found a thing saying that bmi 20-25 was best so I'll change my goal to 159.

teachering

The idea of being a teacher appeals to me only because I think I'm good at explaining things that I understand.

Why do other people become teachers?  Why do they get mad when someone misses class?  Why do they care if people turn in assignments late?  Why do they give tests?  What even is the point of the whole grading system?

If I were a high school teacher, specifically I imagine being a math teacher, and I couldn't change the school in general but I could run my own class however I wanted

I would give everyone a list of all the homework problems on the first day.  I would have a website they could check for it if they lost the papers I gave them.  They could do it all right away if they wanted to.  I would explain one lesson per day and then answer people's questions the rest of the class period.  I don't care if people pay attention or miss class or go to the bathroom for 30 minutes.  They can turn in the assignments as they do them and I'll tell them what they got wrong and they can re-do it as many times as they want until the school year is over because then I'd have to submit grades.  I think I would give tests too but let them do them whenever and re-take them whenever.  just with the end of the school year being the deadline for everything.

I'm reading luminosity again and the teacher sighs when bella shows up at the end of class to turn her paper in.  She's late for class because of a car accident and has to explain to avoid getting in trouble.  Why do they give a shit?

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

rambling about required classes

I was just reading luminosity and bella said it would have been embarrassing to flunk gym.  So then I thought, what if you passed everything but gym, would they not let you graduate high school?  What if you passed everything but one class?  What if you had the right number of credits or more but you never passed one particular class?  It'd be ridiculous to say a person can't graduate high school when they passed lots of classes but just not one arbitrary class.  No individual class is actually important.  They offer so few classes anyway that they might as well just require a certain number of credits and let them be anything.  Well.  I suppose it would be weird if you did nothing but PE.  they let pe count multiple times because some people need up to 2.5 pe credits.  There's also different sports teams you can join for pe credit.  Anyway, if you pass biology and chemistry but not ipc, what does that even matter?  Why the fuck is ipc a class anyway?  What did the have at my high school.

algebra 1
geometry
algebra 2
pre-calculus
calculus ab
calculus bc
statistics
d.e.
biology
chemistry
ipc
physics
english 1
english 2
english 3
english 4
english 5
world history
us history
world geography
government
speech
typing
spanish 1
spanish 2
spanish 3
spanish 4
spanish 5
german 1
german 2
german 3
german 4
german 5
french 1
french 2
french 3
french 4
french 5
japanese 1
japanese 2
latin 1
latin 2
latin 3
some other random electives that I don't remember
various sports and pe
health

the language classes, some of the math, the english are ordered and they require you to pass the previous ones before moving on.  even though there's no reason to require that for english.
I'd have taken spanish (4), french (4), german (4), latin (3), japanese (2) every year if I could.  I'd have taken math every year too (5).  That would get me algebra 1 (from middle school), geometry, algebra 2, pre-calculus, calculus ab.  I would have liked to take chemistry and physics.  And I would have taken some sport or pe every year if I could so that adds up to 28 credits, 27 done in high school (I did algebra 1 in middle school).  Does that actually work out?
span   .  span  .  span  .   span
fren   .   fren  .   fren  .    fren
germ .   germ .  germ .   germ
latin  .   latin  .   latin 
geom .  geom .  geom .  geom
chem .   phys  .   jap   .   jap
pe    .     pe    .    pe    .    pe 

This leaves me one extra class period in the last year in which I could take AP chem or phys or some other elective.  I could also try to take the AP versions of classes without taking the regular ones first.

I don't remember exactly what I did take.

eng 2        eng 3    eng 4
wrld hist  us hist  wrld geog 
germ 1     germ 2 germ 3
bio           ten/the  phys
health      chem    latin
spch/typ   comp    choir
geom       alg 2     pre-cal

I think that's all the classes I took but I'm confused about when I took the computer applications class.  I thought it was the same year as geometry, but it doesn't fit in the schedule that way.

crossed out are the ones I wouldn't have taken if I had a choice and italics are the ones I regret taking, except bio is both because I'm not sure if I would have taken it and the subject wasn't entirely uninteresting but the class was terrible and I didn't actually learn any biology till I took it in college (and that time it was totally voluntary and I took it because my high school biology class was so terrible, so idfk how to feel about that one).  So that leaves 10 credits or 11 if I include bio.  That's only 3 years because there was no 12th grade.  You have to have 22-24 credits to graduate so if I do 24 (the da plan) that means after 3 years I should have 18.  Anyway, I claim that 11/18 of the classes were useful or interesting to me, so less than 2/3.

Anyway what was the point of this?  That the required classes are terrible is what I am talking about now.  But originally that it would be stupid to not let someone graduate if they had 22 credits but didn't have one of the specific required classes.

required
english 1, 2, 3, 4
algebra 1, geometry, algebra 2
ipc, biology, chemistry, health
world hist, us hist, world geog, govt
pe
3 year of language
and idk what else, I'm missing 6.5 credits here.  for the da plan.  that's the one i was doing.

Anyway, what if someone got all the requirements and 27 credits (7 every year except they failed english 4 or government or ipc or whatever) except there's one specific required class they didn't pass, can we all agree that it's fucking stupid to make them take summer school or come back the next year to graduate?  Who gives a shit.  I feel the same way about the college core requirements.  The core shouldn't exist at all, but if it does it should just be "take a variety of classes", not specific shitty classes that no one likes.

how do I replace a laptop battery?

The internet stopped working on my laptop on friday and I had to leave it for lack of time and then today I had to close everything and restart the computer.  And now the charging symbol has an x and says "consider replacing your battery" when I hover over it.

I was planning to go to the gym again today.  It will get dark by 9pm and it took me an hour last time and I was planning to stay longer this time.  I could just go there before dark and stay till hunter can pick me up.  I will message and ask him.  Hunter said he could pick me up at 11:45, so I could go just in time to walk there.  So I'd have to leave here by 8:30.  I don't really want to.  I am tired from the trip and want to sit here for several more hours.  The guy on the phone (i just called to confirm inviting a friend so i could invite nicole) said that actually tomorrow would be the last day so maybe i can go tomorrow.  but i won't ask nicole to go tomorrow just in case.

I've decided to do 4 meals a day 300-400 cals each.  It's a big change.  Today's the first day.  I haven't been much controlling my food the last 4 days because party.  I still have some food I already counted so I ate some of that too.  One of my meals was a hotpocket.  it's half the price of the pizza and it comes in two pieces.

I did quite a lot of exercise on the trip, disc golf, ddr, generally walking around doing the fun things, but I guess I won't try to count any of it as miles.

generic to-do list:
walk
apples
theory