Friday, June 23, 2017

friday plan

I walked about 3 miles today.  I am slightly sleepy now.  I could try to just go to sleep now.  I haven't decided what to do about walking tomorrow.  Hum, it's not like I did anything else useful, but I also feel kinda icky about deciding to do nothing but watch yt and walk back and forth across the apt.  I don't have to do it all day though, even if I only walk 2mph, it's still only 5 hours?  Gah that's a big chunk of my day.  It's like a third of the day.  What do I do all day?  Read effulgence, I guess.

walk 10 miles
walk 1/5m every hour after that
drink water
eat 2 protein bars 1
drink 1-2 slimfast things.
eat reqd
eat other stuff I already have
trivia crack
tagalog book / online
clean room

I need to pay more attention to my long-term goals.

I woke up at 2:30.  I tried to go to sleep earlier than usual and woke up later than I did yesterday.  My brain is conspiring against me.  with itself.  Anyway.  I've only walked one mile.  It's so incredibly fucking boring to walk around the apt.  And it's raining a lot outside.  And I want junkfood.  Actually I just ate a snackcake.  Besides that I've eaten carrots and a proteinbar.  I really want to go to the store and buy something entertaining to eat but that's going to be a lot of calories, it's like unavoidable.  The protein bar IS yummy but it doesn't last very long.  And watching yt videos isn't as fun as you'd think based on me doing it all day.

I could just sit on the couch and read effulgence and play trivia crack and watch yt videos and thus distract myself from eating but that's not good for other reasons.  I don't have a basketball so even if I could get to a basketball court (and i could, actually, there's that one under the bridge) I can't play unless I go buy something.  Anyway playing alone isn't that fun.  I wanted hunter to play baseball with me but he hasn't ever said he wanted to, but if I bring it up again he'll say he was waiting for me to say something, but that's so fucking stupid I already said something the ball's in his fucking court now.  Anyway can't do that today and tomorrow at 12 is the picnic that I suggested yet they named it "for whitney" on the fb, and interview at 4:30 and dnd that I don't even want to be playing right after that.  Roleplaying sounds fun but I hate dnd stories.  I hate the "we have to kill everything" bullshit.  I keep hoping for it to be better and it never is.  and numinera wasn't fun either.  it was the same old bull crap.

If I think about getting up to walk around, I think about food.  Things that used to be fun don't seem fun anymore.  I was doing the japanese book while I was at my parents' house.  Maybe I just hate it here.  That's plausible.  Maybe I should give up on college and live with my parents and work at krispy kreme.  I don't want to be living in this stupid place anymore.  Arkansas.  It's pointless.  why is it even a place.

Pizza's a bad idea.  too many calories generally.  what else is there?  the fake meat stuff is generally too expensive, and really it has too many calories too.  because like if I make a bagel sandwich I'll end up wanting more than one.  when I gained 50 lbs that one time it was mostly because I ate chicken patty bagel sandwiches all day.  What can I do instead?  I have ricecakes, that doesn't sound good.  I wish I could do my language books while sitting on the couch just so my back doesn't hurt.  My back hurting is what stops me from a lot of things I would otherwise do.  Sometimes it's not the only reason but it's always like half the reason.  I want dr pepper but there's no more.  could go buy some.  bad waste of money, bad use of calories.  maybe I just feel bad right now because I'm used to eating more than I should.  Maybe if I just do this for a few days I'll get over over-eating-withdrawal-symptoms or something.  I just discovered I've been spelling withdrawal wrong.  I thought it was withdrawl.  hum.

What are foods?  I used to eat different things now it's just pizza and dr pepper.  I liked tuna, but that's out.  spaghetti.  macaroni.  aztec casserole.  chicken nuggets.  fries.  corn peas green beans black eyed peas, I don't think I have any of that.  But I used to always eat those things with something else.  Like fried chicken.  or taco salad.  tacos, enchiladas, softtacos, lasagna, sloppy joes, hamburgers, eggs,

I do have that carton of eggwhites.  I could just make that into scrambled eggs.  I don't really like just plain scrambled eggs, but it might be better than ricecakes.

spring rolls, rice, I wish I could make my hamburger helper, but I'd have to go to wal-mart for the ingredients because kroger doesn't have them.  I'm not even sure wal-mart does.  The one here might not have it them.  I don't want to walk all over in the rain looking for a grocery store that might not have the thing I want.

I could go to the store and get fried rice and spring rolls, but kroger doesn't have my favorite pre-made kind, and I need to not exceed ... well I was going to say I need to not exceed 600 calories but I don't have to eat the slimfast or the protein bar if I find something else to eat instead.  I just need to stay under 1600 calories per day.  and today I've had 325.  and I woke up at 2:20.  idfk.  I need to make my life not just about counting calories and figuring out what I'm allowed to eat and thinking about walking but never doing it.

there's the language stuff.
trivia stuff
sports for fun that doesn't build to anything
there's that list I made in my notebook.
Maybe I should pretend the tv doesn't exist for a while.  not sure what to do about the internet.

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