Wednesday, May 24, 2017

wanting to not be fat and out of shape anymore

I made a diet plan where I would start out eating 2500 calories per day and decrease by 20 per week, and I estimated it would take me 4 years to lose the weight I want to that way.  But then hunter complained that was too long to wait (because I said that I didn't want to have sex till I was some undefined amount of less gross to myself) so then I decided to jump ahead by 500 cals, ie start at 2000 cals per day and still decrease by 20 per week from that point.  But then there was a day where I gave up and ate way more than I was supposed to and then after that I decided to do 1600 cals per day, and that's what I'm doing currently.  Plus I intend to walk/job a certain number of miles by a certain date, which works out to an average of 9 per day (and jogged miles count double).  And when I get down to 210 lbs I plan to decrease my calories to 1200.  I hope I do get down to 210 lbs, and that I don't somehow hurt myself by not eating enough.  And I hope that I get a lot lower than 210 lbs eventually.  I've always heard you can lose up to 2 lbs per week without dr supervision, so that's what I'm aiming for.  I also want to increase my strength and stamina and flexibility.  If I do lose 2lbs per week, then I'll be down to like 170 by ben's next bday.  170 would be the least I've weighed since 2011 or so.  I had gotten up to 227, and then I went on a diet and got down to 174, but it lasted like a day and then I started going back up.

I am extremely addicted to junkfood.  I find myself thinking about it all the time.  I know that if I want to maintain a lower weight, I need to retrain myself to eat the healthy food I used to eat when I was little.  But I always feel like "uuuugggggghhhhhh" when I think about it, and even if I manage to eat oatmeal for breakfast, part of my brain is screaming at me to get pizza for lunch.  I ate pizza today.  Often I just eat nothing rather than eating junkfood or healthy food.  I distract myself from food with hours of yt and fb.  Right now I'm thinking about junkfood again.  I don't really have anything junky to eat right now, and I'm also trying to save money, so I can't go buy something.  I'm planning on getting a pita pocket sandwich tomorrow and have that be my junkfood and purchase for the day.  It's a tiny thing, but it's really yummy.  What do I have to eat now?  I have cereal (no milk), oatmeal, almonds, pecans, protein bars (which are yummy), beans, rice, oranges, pears.  And dr pepper.  And water.  I'm drinking water rn.  I've been trying to drink more water.

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