Wednesday, May 24, 2017


I'm trying to fight/argue for what I think is right.  But it's really exhausting and probably pointless.  I've kept it bottled up for a long time and lately (like the last 5 years or something, I'm old enough that 5 years is recent -_-) I've been saying things, i started by asking really tiny questions because I was afraid they'd go crazy if I asked everything I was thinking.  The best case scenario is a long confusing argument where the other person says a billion things that make no sense and it ends with one of us just getting tired of talking about it.  I don't think I'm changing minds, it hurts, and no one has changed my mind in the YEARS i've been looking into this and asking people about it.  It continues to sound like gibberish.  So what's the point?  I think I'm going to try just scrolling on or hiding the post or blocking the person if I see it on fb again.  not sure what to do about people I think are my actual friends.  i was ditched by melanie for being too feminist and I think I'll be ditched by nicole for not being feminist enough.

tyler left me because I didn't bow before his religion.

I hate that they get to make me cry.  "they" includes chase from fb who unfriended me because I didn't want to participate in another person's religious ritual.

I said I would do hunter's laundry.  Does he need it today? no, he needs it by tomorrow.  When does it get dark?  After 8, I think.  And it takes about 1.5 hours, so I might have time to get it done and back inside before dark.  idk why i hate it so much.  I could just wait and do it tomorrow morning.  i wonder if we should have taken the more expensive one and got a washer&drier.  but I don't even have money for the rent for THIS place, so i wouldn't be able to afford a more expensive one.  I need to look for a job.  I've been planning to do so after going to jason's graduation party.  but i also need to find out other party dates ahead of time to put the days off i need on applications, although in the past employers have completely fucking ignored that and i had to ask off again.  jobs are terrible.  but also being able to get money sounds nice.  I am all out of money and haven't paid all my tuition.  There's so much time but I don't really do anything with it.  I need to stop that.  What have I even done today?  I slept till 9 and then I watched yt and played freecell and be'ed annoyed at fb and played a little trivia crack and wrote in this journal, and thought about contacting nicole but like how i worry about going to someone's fb profile because i might see that they unfriended me, i'm afraid that nicole is over there (wherever nicole is, probably home) hating me, maybe telling ben how stupid i am.

anyway, i'm a text hunter and ask if laundry can wait till tomorrow.  and then i'm a scroll through fb and unfollow more people, and then i think i will look up switched at birth and be annoyed at what's her face for thinking that mingo was making fun of black people when he was actually literally in fact expressing appreciation for his favorite musician lil wayne, and the fosters, and maybe some other shows.  and i will walk around my apartment for exercise, and probably drink dr pepper and water, and I'll think about cleaning my room but I doubt I'll get any of that done today.

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