Thursday, February 11, 2016

asexual aromantic

I did not read this whole post.

I don't even know what sexual attraction is.  I haven't found a good explanation for it to clarify whether I feel it.  But, considering there's other kinds of attraction - sensual, physical, aesthetic - I don't think I do feel sexual attraction.  It's complicated?  But I'm not comfortable identifying with any sexuality label other than asexual *even though there's one person i do have sex with sometimes*.

I don't know what romantic attraction is either.  The things people usually associate with romance gross me out.  Buut it kind of seems like I do some of them with a couple of people I know really well.  IDFK.  I still don't feel comfortable identifying with any other romantic label besides aromantic.

I don't want to call myself gay or straight or bi at all, and only "pan" if it's qualified with "aromantic asexual".  I guess part of the problem I have with it is that if I just said I'm pan, then that makes me imagine doing sexual, romantic, or sensual things with random people I just met, and that's repulsive; and I don't want anyone to think that I am into that.  I don't want anyone to think they have any chance at all of  having sex with me, or holding hands with me, or slow-dancing with me.  An exception here and there (literally there's only 1 or 2 exceptions right now) might pass by, but if the other person were hoping or expecting or trying to get that out of me, I would be disgusted the whole time and stop associating with them.

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