Ever since the meeting on the thursday before last, so the 15th, I've had it on my to-do list to do the research and write up for the next one. I pictured myself doing it, but somehow I didn't have time. I mean, I could easily have had time, but I was doing other things. I don't remember what I did on thursday night, but on friday and saturday I was with hunter, and part of sunday too. I don't know, I don't remember. I assume there was a lot of sitting around being tired after hunter was gone, because I don't really relax most of the time with him, I'm engaged and doing things with him. I kept somehow forgetting to squeeze it in, then I was trying on tuesday or wednesday, one of those days was when I actually started reading. But I was slow because I was thinking, I don't know how to do a write up about this. When I see that I'm not going to be able to finish something, I always just stop doing it, there's something subconscious that makes me have to stop, like, there's a feeling that comes and I feel sick if I keep going. I stop doing the thing so I can stop feeling sick. With some things, just thinking about the thing for a while allows me to see how to do it and then I can go back and do it without feeling sick. But that hasn't been happening with anything this semester. (Or lots of other semesters.) I was trying to do it on thursday. The day of the meeting. The 22nd. I didn't go to work because I was so behind on sleep. I walked hunter to his class though. Then I went back to my room and instead of working on the thing for ethics bowl (which I could never have finished in time anyway), I fell asleep and didn't wake up until 7:05. I missed the meeting and my class. On saturday night, I got sleepy at like 8:30. I was with hunter in the art building. He didn't want to go home yet. I sat there and did a small amount of studying, but i was mostly just being sleepy, then he was talking about the essays for his application and he had asked me to look at them days ago, so I did it then, and it took forever, we were there till 12:30. Then my head was hurting and the roommates and friends were playing loud music and shouting, and I slept until 12:00, and I took an ibuprofen at one point when I woke up and hunter stayed there with me until I said i felt better, even though, he later said, he actually had wanted to go home and do homework and play a video game.
I was trying to figure out how to tell michael about what happened with ethics bowl. Like, how I didn't mean to just do nothing and not come to the meeting and not contact anyone, but he just came in here and asked me about it, so that's done. I just told him I slept through the meeting and that I need to quit because it's making me not get enough sleep and get sick.