Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Jesse ate my pears.

So, I went and got lunch from the dining hall, with my stupid meal plan.  They had pears, like from a can, so I got some, because I like those.  Jesse got some too, and then he wanted pear juice but the spoons they had were the holey kind, so he got a little spoon and he was not good at scooping it so I did it for him, anyway, then we were sitting at the table, and my pears were on my tray, and his pears were I don't know where, and then he ate my pears, and I didn't notice, and then he was like "oops, I ate your pears, here you can have mine."  But his were all gross looking, so I suggested he drive me to wal-mart and buy me a can of pears, which is only $1.  But he said he didn't have any money, so I said I would buy them but he could at least drive me there.  But he didn't want to and said that I was being ridiculous.

It may not be a big deal, but it is a deal.  He took my pears that I wanted to eat for lunch.  He should make it up to me, if he values our relationship or cares about my feelings.  It's true that he apologized.  He did literally say, "I'm sorry," several times, and I believe that he really meant it.  He also came up with a way to try to make it up to me.  The problem comes in when what he suggests is not acceptable to me.  It shouldn't just stop there.  I then suggested something else that would be acceptable to me.  He didn't want to do it, though.  That's ok, he doesn't have to just immediately agree to what I suggest.  He can come back with another counter-offer.  But he didn't, he just kept repeating the first offer.

I think he's disregarding my feelings for two reasons.  One, he didn't try to find a mutually agreeable solution for the problem that he created, albeit unintentionally.  And two, he said that my refusal of his offer to eat his pears instead was ridiculous.  He asked why I didn't want to just take his, and I said because they looked gross.  But he didn't accept that explanation.  I asked why he didn't want to go to wal-mart, because I don't want the way he makes it up to me to be a really big burden on him, although it would probably have to be some burden on him, because he's the one making up for a mistake.  Anyway, he said because "It's ridiculous, and it's a waste of my time and gas."  Him saying it's ridiculous is just a repeat of not accepting my reason for not wanting his pears, that I thought they looked gross.  That's really offensive to me.  It's in a general categorie of people saying, "You should like this!  And that you don't means you're stupid!"  And is it really a waste of his time and gas?  Is it a waste of his resources to make something up to me when he made a mistake?  Perhaps it would be better for him if I just forgave him already.  But only if he doesn't care about my feelings.  If it were reversed, I wouldn't like him to forgive me and then just be miserable and not say anything.  I want to find a solution where all people involved feel loved and respected and get to eat their pears that they paid for.

Kamberly said that if Paden accidentally ate her pears, he would offer to get some the next time he was at the store.  So I suggested that to jesse after he again refused to take me to the store now.  (Really, I said, "It stopped raining, so we can go to wal-mart now," and he said, "Are you serious???".)  He did say he would get some pears next time he was at wal-mart, but he said it with that "jeez you are so ridiculous but I will do this to shut you up" tone.  But really I think he's ridiculous for eating my pears.  They were on my tray.  How could he possibly mistake them for his?  Only by being an idiot.  Also, a few days ago, he mistook my drink for his, even though his had ice and mine didn't.  Idiot.  And on monday, I told him I needed to be somewhere by 11:00, after I spent the night at his house to help him study, and he stopped for donuts and made me 20 minutes late, and I ended up just missing out on the 5$ I would have made for that tutoring session.  So I guess I feel like the stupid has been piling up and that's why I feel so strongly in this case that he should do something to make it up to me.

It's not like he's just always messing stuff up for me, though.  He took me to the bus station and picked me up from there when I came back.  He offered to walk me home after my night class.  I like having sex with him.  He's usually really nice and generous.  I suspect that there's something I don't know or understand that's in his mind about driving/gas that he doesn't know how to explain to me.  That kind of thing happens with me and my mom all the time, and whenever I finally understand what the hell she's talking about, and I articulate it, she goes, "Yeah!  Of course!  I thought that was obvious!"  So I hypothesize that there's something that jesse thinks is obvious that isn't obvious to me that's impeding our mutual understanding.  That still doesn't excuse him from trying to come up with a mutually agreeable way to make it up to me, but I think on that front I shall blame his Asperger's Syndrome.

And I think that he probably thinks I'm just asking way more than what is justified by the situation.  So.  Well.  I don't know how to fix that, but at least he offered to buy me pears later.

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