Sunday, April 22, 2012

I have had horrible sinus problems for the past 11 years.

It started when I was about 14.  It's horrible congestion, feeling like I can't breathe, feeling like I'm drowning in snot, needing to blow my nose almost constantly, and blowing out mountains of snot every time.  How how how can my nose make that much snot?  How!?

I don't think it's just allergies, because every time I go visit this one friend, he gets sick too.  So it must involve bacteria or a virus, right?

Sometimes I take claritinD or something for it.  I think it helps, but it's not like I've tested it scientifically or anything.  Same for coldeeze, btw.

I don't say that I'm sick all the time.  Maybe this sinus problem is a sickness, but it's like I'm so used to it, and it came on rather inconspicuously, so it's just, you know, my life.  But sometimes I get a sickness that feels like the problems of my nose spreading into my throat, and I feel like there's a blockage between my nose and throat, and it's painful as opposed to just uncomfortable.  It hurts to swallow water.  It hurts to speak, specifically to make the back-of-the-mouth sounds.  I convert all consonants to dental and stop making the back vowels, and no one can understand me.  Certain people are totally unsympathetic to the pain I'm in and refuse to even talk to me, insisting that I'm just being ridiculous.  I don't know if it's that they don't believe it hurts, or if they don't care.  Like, maybe they think that I should just deal with the pain.  Right, I should prioritize their desire to easily understand what I'm saying over my desire to not be in such terrible pain.  How about no.  Anyway, the last time I felt that sickness coming on, I took coldeeze, and it never got so bad.  But again, I didn't do any scientific experiment.  Maybe I was wrong about being about to get sick like that.  Maybe it would have been mild anyway.  But claritinD and coldeeze have been scientifically tested by other people, right?

Speaking again of my perenial sinus congestion, I'd really like to not have this problem anymore.  Sometimes, I get a few minutes of relief.  Sometimes, I blow my nose, and then I feel like I can breathe freely through my nose.  I love that feeling.  Then a few minutes later, my nose produces more snot.

You know what.  I think I've had sinus problems longer than 11 years.  It definitely got way worse when I was 14, but I remember when I was 12 feeling stuffed up and just breathing through my mouth all the time.  Maybe it went back further than that.  I don't know.  Maybe it's congenital or whatever.

When I was a little kid, I used to ask to go to the doctor all the time, for whatever.  Any time I was in pain.  But my mom always said no.  She always said that doctors don't know anything anyway.  So by the time I had this sinus problem, I already believed, as my mom told me, that there was no point in asking a doctor about it.  It would just be a waste of money.  So I'm still sort of stuck in that habit.  That's why I haven't gone to a doctor about this.  I was at a doctor for something else recently, and I asked about this, and they just said "probably allergies".  At some point, I will go to the doctor for this specifically.

My mom always yells at me because I drop used tissues on the floor.  She wants to put them directly in the trash.  She can't put herself in my shoes and realize how intrusive it is into my life that I have to blow my nose every 5 minutes, and how I'd be able to get even less done if I had to get up and take the tissue to the trash every time.  I put a little trash can in the living room so that I could throw the tissues in that, but someone kept moving the trashcan off to inconvenient places, like under the coffee table or behind the couch, so I gave up on that.  My mom's attitude toward me in this situation is like, "Yeah, I know you're miserable and sick and in pain and terribly inconvenienced all the time, but these pieces of paper on the floor are really bothering me and YOU NEED to pick them up."  I've tried to explain to my mom that in general if she wants something done, she should do it herself.  But she doesn't agree.  She rather believes that I am responsible for her feelings and her comfort.

Excuse me, I have to go blow my nose.

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