Monday, February 24, 2014

stuff to do

OK, so here are the things I want or am being compelled to do.

Languages
reading for school 2 hours a day
homework 2 hours a day
class maximum 200 minutes a day, 3.5 hours a day
make a resume
apply for jobs
brush my teeth 15 minutes a day
take a shower let's max 10 minutes a day
clean my room 10 minutes a day
do laundry 2 hours once a week, but I can do other stuff during
hang out with friends
exercise 1 hour a day

random whatever

So I had my software engineering book open in front of me, and I read one more paragraph.

If only I could make myself actually do it, I could read chapter 2 in two hours and probably read chapter 3 in another two hours and then do that homework assignment in one hour, according to Jordan, and I could read the entire book in 2 days if I actually read.  Then I could do all the reading for graphics probably in one day and do all the assignments and I could be caught up on all my homework in like one week, if I'd just actually do it.

But I closed the book, because it's so entirely boring.  Minsker's class is ok.  It's ok enough that when you add in the fact that it's "required", required for this college stuff, I am ok with doing it.  And I do it.  I can work on the stuff for his classes a couple of hours at a time.  But the other classes, I hate, and I can't make myself do them that much.  I want to be doing fun things.  But the thought of school makes me not do fun things either.

So that's why I'm kind of ready to just look for a job, 20 hours a week, and spend the rest of my time doing what I want to do.  But.... what if I could get more of what I wanted later by putting in a little more suffering right now?  For the next 2 years?  But what if I die tomorrow?  I want my last days to be happy, and any day could be my last.  So I didn't go to class this morning.  I'll go to my afternoon class, though, because I'm already up at this point and he takes attendence.  Although if he didn't require attandence, I would skip so I could play with nicole.  Speaking of nicole, I'm going challenge ni to chess game right now, on chessbypost.  OK, I did it.  But there's no guarantee it will work.  The program has been messing up on mine and Thomas's games.

So what do I really want to do?  Well, I don't know what I *really* want to do.  There's no way I could know that, given the terrible environment I've been in all my life, with pressure from other people to "succeed" in certain ways.  But it seems to me that something I want to do is learn bunch of languages, and create that program to help other people learn languages, and make some of those books I was thinking about.

So I need a 20-hour-a-week job that pays 15$/hour at least, and that's if I'm living with my parents.  If I'm not living with my parents, I think I need to make 30000$/year, which means I need a job making 30$/hour, but how likely is that?  I don't even know.  I mean, 15000$/year is enough for me to live on, technically speaking, although apartment places seem to want you to make 3 times the rent or have all the money saved up ahead of time or have a co-signer, so really I'd need a co-signer, or/and to live with nicole, but I would have enough money really.  But I want to adopt a kid, so for that I really need 30000$/year, so I can save up money for pay for the adoption or whatever, and so that I'll then have enough money to support me and one other person.  But I still really really just want to work 4 hours a day.  I'd be ok with 4 hours a day, 7 days a week.  That would be 22$/hour.

So maybe I should go home and get that packet and make a resume seriously.  But then I just think about how they're not going to want to hire me if I am failing classes again.  So I should read this book and do my homework.  But I hate it and don't want to do it.  But I don't know how else to make money....  Well, I mean, I guess I can get a job with just the associate's degree so I don't even need to be doing this, but I already started and I can't get a refund and maybe I'd get paid more if I finished this so I don't want to stop right now in the middle of a semester blaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

I'm gonna make a schedule....

Thursday, January 24, 2013

thinking about math degree again


CPSC 2380 Data Structures and Algorithms
CPSC 3380 Operating Systems
or CPSC 3370 Net-centric Computing: Systems Concepts
One three-hour upper-level computer science course


Then two more math classes for BA.  Don't know if core.

I can't check the stupid catalog because I can't find the old one online.  5 classes to get BA plus core I guess.  I think I need 6 more core classes.  I was wondering if there was a way to get out of them by getting AS first, but it doesn't seem like it.  If there is, then well, you still have to take 30 hours after so I would have to take 9 random hours in the summer 2014, versus taking an extra 3 classes but finishing in the spring?  11 classes.  I can take 4 in fall, 4 in spring, so I have to take 3 in summer.  God.  I have to take those shitty awful core classes this summer.  I should have 1300$, I hope I have it, I hope it gets put in my account with no problem.  According to the estimator, I'd need an extra 1000$ to do that.  Shit.  Why so much?  Well.  Ugh.  I should find out for sure if AS replaces core then.  If it does, then yeah.  If it doesn't, take what I can in summer.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

stupid school work


Authenticity of information: the quality or state of being genuine or original, rather than a reproduction or
fabrication.

This is from a vocabulary list for my class.  This definition makes no sense.  I would expect "authenticity of information" to mean the same thing as "accuracy".  Information can't be the original.  You can't fabricate information.  Information is conceptual, not a physical thing.  If information can be authentic, that means that it can be inauthentic, which means that if I told someone that the sky is blue, they could ask me if that's the original or if it's just a reproduction of the fact that the sky is blue, like a painting can be reproduced.

My best guess is that it's actually talking about documents.  But I don't understand why it should matter if you have the original document.  It has the same information in it regardless of whether it's a copy or the original.

What is the difference between availability and access?  There is no difference, this class is a bunch of bullshit.

make-up

One day when I was in that hell-hole of 7th grade, a classmate told me that the reason boys didn't like me was because I didn't wear make-up.  I was shocked.  Really, people are that shallow?  But I thought, it's like a game, and I know how to win now.  I thought, "If that's what they want, then that's what I'll do."  So the next day I wore a small amount of make-up.  A few people complimented me on it.  After the first person said something, I knew it was a mistake.  I realized that I didn't want to wear make-up.  If that was what it took to get boys to like me, then forget the boys.  I didn't want to dress up to get them as part of a game.

Some people wear make-up as part of a costume, and that's different.  Like, they wear outrageous make-up as part of their outrageous outfits.  That might be silly, but it's a different issue.  Most women wear make-up as part of the game to get/impress men.  That's gross.  I did it for one day and realized how gross it was.  So why haven't all those other people figured it out?

Also victora secret go die in a fire.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

gay, straight, whatever

I've decided that those labels don't matter.  Like, there are some people who are asexual, they're not interested in having sex at all, but they can fall in love.  Sex just isn't part of it for them.  So gay, straight?  Those words don't make sense.  And anyway who says that sexual attraction is all one thing?  Just because you want to do one sexual thing with a certain person doesn't mean you want to do anything else with them.  And then couldn't there be different kinds of falling in love too?  So I can't even really say I'm biromantic or anything like that, because it's not that simple.  That makes it sound like love is this one particular thing, it's binary, it's either on or off.  Nope.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Trying to explain it to idiot.

Would you say that I have to take responsibility for what I ate as a child, even though I was a child and didn't have the means to buy food for myself and couldn't ever trade my labor for food because the entire society around me is against letting children do that, so I have no choice but to eat from what my parents provide, and my parents provide only unhealthy food, and I don't even have any way of knowing that it's unhealthy because my parents don't tell me and the schools which claim to provide for my education don't tell me, so when I'm an adult I'm all fat and unhealthy, and I figure out what the problem is and I take it upon myself to learn to eat better and improve my health, but I still want to tell everyone that the school system which claimed to serve children failed me because they let me be unhealthy all that time I was being "educated" by them, even though they claimed to be so good for me.  Children are not responsible for how their parents raise them, and that includes the choice to send them to a school, so if the school sucks, it's not the kid's fault.  I'd like other people not to have the same experience I had.  I'd like people from now on to not be intellectually stunted.  I'm TAKING responsibility for educating myself now, but it's NOT my fault that no one told me about calculus when I was a kid.  It's not my fault that there was so much I wasn't exposed to as a kid.  Why is it not my fault?  Because I was a CHILD.  i was a child at the mercy of my parents and whatever other adults they put in charge of me.  Wouldn't it have been better if I'd been told about the existence of calculus and many other things a lot sooner?  Yes.  And shouldn't an organization that claims to be all about educating children do the best thing?  Yes, they should.  The school system stunted my intellectual growth, which is the exact opposite of what they claim to do and what people expect them to do.  And, what, I'm supposed to just keep quiet about that?  No.  People need to know.

About any piece of information, I could say, "Why didn't anyone tell me!?"  And you're saying that as a libertarian I shouldn't expect anyone to tell me.  But an organization that claims it's going to educate me should definitely be expected to tell me.  Otherwise, their service sucks, and in this case it's even worse than that because the service was forced on me.  And it sucked and it stunted my intellectual growth.